Recently, my four year old has not wanted to leave my side.  This has been exasperating to both of us, which is funny to me because I would think that the exasperation would drive her back into the arms of her friends and relations who want to play with her and love her, too.  But no.  Fears emerge.  Big ideas about what might happen, and a grasping of that hand that was there first - mine.   She also expressed that she and I have work to do - we have to be nicer to each other and learn to be with a trio now, including our new baby boy.  Ah yes, there is a new baby in the mix.  And I'm exhausted (did I need to mention that?)

A rekindling.  She and I need it.  My man and I need it.  And I need it for my very own self.  The baby, chubby and beautiful, is quite kindled.  He watches us all intently, cheering and yelping and giggling and fussing and chortling as needed.  

Thank goodness for The Nest, and also what a burden at the moment to inspire other families while ours is so . . . in need of inspiration.

And now, finally finishing this post how many weeks later . . . I find that its all changed again.  A mix of caring, planning, luck, growth and embarrassing tantrums on my part have in fact led to more peaceful partings between my daughter and I.  The old man and woman dance of "can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em" has once again become charmingly curious, rather than disheartening.  Our garlic harvest hanging on the porch seems to be warding away the evil spirits, or is it the daily clove I've been eating that is warding away illness?

And still thank goodness for The Nest.  

Musings on cooperative childcare

A friend asked for some more thoughts on informal cooperative childcare and playgroups like The Nest.  

Musing on co-op childcare, I think it springs from

1.  a basic need to share work and not feel isolated.

2.  respect for the incredibly high value and intensive work of childcare, which is not reflected in our economic values of the moment.

3.  Celebrating that those who spend their days with their own young children have favorite activities and rhythms that work for them and might work for others, too.  

4.  The "security" of formal daycare and childcare has its advantages and disadvantages.  Co-op childcare can very creatively meet families actual needs.  

We're sort of recapturing what every tribe knew.  

We've found that with lots of time with parents and kids all around each other, EVENTUALLY, it becomes natural for the parent to go off and do another project sometimes - an errand, a jog, check email, whatever - only when everyone is comfortable.  

In those cases we've noticed a few things, too. 

1.  For happily mommy-attached little ones, teasing out a little more happy away from mommy time can happen with double strollers, baby/toddler carrier attached to caretakers facing outwards, and of course the lure of those older kids!  Or and snacks, never forget snacks.  

2.  A good idea to be more cautious and more patient with other people's kids if we don't know what the family's normal mode of operation is.  When you spend lots of time with other families, you can get into more complicated and challenging projects with the kids, and work out lots of kinks and get used to each others parenting instincts and all that.   At first, being in a new environment with new people is enough "stretching" for the kids, so stick with songs and circle games over competitive play, and stick to projects that don't involve too much sharing or waiting.  Give lots of time and room to get in a groove together.  

3.  Specific instructions are helpful to caregivers, like "she'll probably need a snack in about an hour" or "if he cries for me give it about ten minutes before you come find me" or "in that case come find me right away!".  Also keep in mind that you can say "those instructions are too complicated, I'm not up for being in that situation, please keep your kid with you" and everyone has to be OK with that.  

I like to think of it as a  "leap of faith" in giving your children the chance to be with other families, especially our precious little ones.  For those of us who come to it with an attitude of trust - we're not signing waivers, we're not writing policies - we're just recognizing a mutual basic need and doing our best to fill it!  

Thanks for reading, 

What is The Nest?

Respectful of young kids' rhythms and spirit.
Self-organizing.
Rotating location.
Lots of fresh air.
Family socializing.  
Learning to eat together with grace.
Parents leading our own favorite seasonal games and projects.
Circle Time - singing and song-games.